2 Buoyed by the Absurd

“Is it OK to laugh when sadness surrounds us?” (p 10) 

This is a question I’m guessing we’ve all wondered about at one point or another. I’m sure we could each name a contrasting set of circumstances like they do in the book, like Kate’s mom laughing at her “delicious frozen rocks” in the hospital as her mother was dying (pp 9-10).

The inescapable truth is, “Joy and sorrow simply coexist” (p 10).

Kate and Jessica recall the stories of Jesus’ first miracle of turning plain, old water into the finest Bordeaux at the wedding in Cana while under the thumb of the Romans (John 2:1-11). When he was surrounded by grumbling bellies, Jesus made sure there were leftovers (John 6:1-15, Matthew 14:13-21). And when he was resurrected from the dead, Jesus appeared to the disciples and asked for something to eat (Luke 24:30-32).

Even in difficult circumstances, Jesus was “a man who enjoyed a feast” (p 11). If it's good enough for Jesus, then can't it be good enough for us too? 

When things heated up between Russia and Ukraine and became a part of our daily living through the news and social media, I heard folks asking this same question: how can we rejoice about things in our lives when we can see the suffering of so many?

I love the simple acknowledgment that all kinds of emotions can coexist at the same time. You can be full of joy and full of sorrow. You can grieve and delight. (I’ve seen all of those happen at funerals – you grieve the loss but delight in the memories and the chance to gather with family and friends.) 

Romans 12:15 reminds us to “Rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn.” Sometimes that means doing it at the same time, like when my friend had one daughter announce she was pregnant while the other whisper their second fertility treatment had failed at the same time. 

It’s an occupational hazard for pastors that we run into a lot of sorrow and grief. And sometimes it is the most absurd things that keep me afloat. (If only you could see the frivolous things I watch on YouTube or the podcasts I listen to when my soul is feeling heavy!)

They say in the book, “ … there is a discipline to this kind of joy, especially when we’re not feeling especially cheery” (p 14). 

I wonder what would happen if we could work a bit of joy or absurdity into our regula so that it’s already an ingrained discipline the next time we need it!

Perhaps my favorite part of this chapter is from “A Prayer for Finding Joy in Sorrow” on page 13. I’ve changed it from the singular to the plural: “God, [we] can’t deny it, the way that sorrow catches up with [us] and forces [us] to pay attention. There is so much to grieve, so much to lament in the world, in [our] life, in the lives of those [we] love. You have shown [us] again and again that I can look sorrow in the face, take its hand and talk things over, because it shows [us] what [we] love” (p 13).

I really love that last line, how looking sorrow in the face reveals what we love the most. That re-framing makes sorrow feel a little more bearable, don’t you think?

Pastor Allison

I’m curious: have you asked this question or has someone asked it of you? If so, how did you answer it?

When you find yourself in this kind of situation, what do you do? Do you give in to the sorrow and let it drown out the joy?

What sources of joy or absurdity (like the list on p 11) do you draw on in times like this?  

Let me know in the comments! Or, show us you did your regula by just saying, "I did it!" 

1 Regula

For a long time, I thought a “rule of life” was admirable and definitely something I should aspire to. So I did what pastors do when they want to learn something: I read some books about it!

I found several examples of classic versions of this rhythm with their emphasis (at least, in my perception) on doing the same thing at the same time, day after day. And that usually means following a prescribed set of Bible readings and prayers. 

Good and necessary stuff for a Christ-follower who wants to grow in their faith. We should all do something like this. 

Websites like the Daily Office and apps like YouVersion and the Presbyterian Church’s Daily Prayer app put things like this right at your fingertips, all planned out for you. Even this book, Good Enough, has everything right there for you in one place. And there are a million other daily devotionals available out there!

But I could never stick with one of those things.

I tried the Daily Office but lost interest after a while. I use the Daily Prayer app when I’m leading a group, but it doesn’t do much for me when I do it by myself. I’ll start a devotional book only to find that what I need to be studying and praying about has changed but part of the rule is finishing the book (so I thought), and I would get frustrated and quit.

And then I got really down on myself because I know this is something I should be doing, but I failed every time I tried, just like Kate and Jessica said sometimes happens (pp 4-5).

So it was as though the heavens opened when I read Kate and Jessica’s definition of “regula” – a regular pattern of activities that becomes more valuable over time because its structures creates a space for good things (p 3).  

I mistakenly thought a rule of life meant you needed to do the same thing at the same time every day again and again and again. But that’s not it at all. It’s so much more to it than that! So much more freedom and flexibility. 

They say, “ … a regula doesn’t have to be hard; it only has to be regular” (p 5). 

Here’s my regula now: since I am at my best in the morning, I wake up and do a head to toe body scan, first asking, “How am I feeling physically?” and then “What do I need spiritually?” (Often those two things are tied closely together.) Based on how I answer those questions, I make a plan. Sometimes it’s the same thing for a couple of days; sometimes it’s different every day for a week of days.

What’s important is that it’s becoming a sacred rhythm for me to ask myself those questions and then make time to spend with God in a way that feels right for me, that I look forward to, and that feels natural for me.

If you don’t have a regula, I hope you will work to develop one in the next 40ish days. Here’s a “good enough” way to create one:  

1. Figure out your best time of day: Are you an early bird? A night owl? Do you come alive in the afternoon? 
2. When you’re at your best, read the chapter from Good Enough and try the activities they suggest.
3. Then read my blog reflection.
4. Finally, leave a comment to show you followed your rule of life! (If nothing else, just post, “I did it!” and we’ll all know what you meant!)  

Ta-da! Now, you have a regula to experiment with! It’s nothing fancy, but it is good enough.

"Blessed are we who ask You to be the guide as we begin to build from here and create a stronger, more flexible rule of life." 

Pastor Allison 

Wait, before you go -- I'm curious! Do you already have a regula? Are you mostly able to follow it, or do you sometimes struggle with the discipline of doing it every day? 

What other sacred rhythms are most important to you? 

What difference does it make in your day when you’re able to follow those sacred rhythms as opposed to the days when you don’t? 

Leave a comment!