What exactly is "The Reality-Show Gospel?"
Kate and Jessica define it as the thing people say when things don't work out the way they expected or hoped, and don't know what else to say.
And conclude that this negative thing "must bring about something better" (p 195).
Until it doesn't.
Until the devastating diagnosis is delivered. Until the divorce papers arrive. Until a friend is killed in a senseless accident (p 195).
Everything happens for a reason ... until it doesn't.
When we run out of reasons, they write, we need something else; we need each other.
"It's so tempting to skip past the difficulty and pain and rush to find a rationale. But in the long pause, there is wisdom. Sometimes a reason isn't readily apparent, or perhaps it's not ours to assign. Job's friends got it right when they offered him the gift of their presence, but not the weight of their reasons" (p 197).
It's OK to want more than empty cliches when you are hurting. And it's OK to give more than empty cliches to someone when they are hurting.
Instead, give the gift of presence. (Or receive that gift, as the case may be.) It's part of the "cost of caring" (which we talked about yesterday).
Blessed are you when you realize you are way out of your depth and you have no idea what to say. Blessed are you, confronted with suffering you can't imagine, but you don't say it. You do not say you can't imagine their pain, because you do want to imagine. YOu want to be there with them, in your heart and mind, imagining what they are feeling and what they might need. (p 198)
Pastor Allison
I'm curious:
I love the practice they suggest on page 199 about "What Not to Say to a Friend in Need" and how to practice NOT saying those things for real.
Empathy and actions - that's what you need to have on hand to give in these situations. Not empty cliches that ring hollow and may even make things worse.
