I was talking to a colleague the other day who was inquiring about my health, specifically about my seizures. I gave a quick update (I'm going on 4 months seizure-free!) and offhandedly mentioned that as I continue to learn more about Epilepsy, I realize that for many people it causes a much greater disruption in their lives than it does in mine.
And my colleague was quick to respond that she doesn't believe in comparative suffering. Since I wasn't sure exactly what she meant by that, I decided I would make some acquiescing noises and move on to the reason for the phone call.
I didn't think about that conversation after it was over UNTIL reading today's Good Enough devotional about "The Tragedy Olympics." Then I started Googling "comparative suffering."
And from what I can tell (at least from this), the benefit of looking at your suffering in the larger context of the suffering of others is that it can help to provide some perspective. Which is what I think I was doing.
But there are many dangers inherent with comparing your suffering to the suffering of others, including the fact that comparing yourself with others in any sense generally is a bad idea and especially when it comes to suffering. But also it can lead you to judge the suffering of others or deny the depth of your own suffering when you find yourself surrounded by someone whose suffering is "worse" than yours.
This is one of the shorter entries in the book, and I appreciate that they don't try to resolve or explain away the compulsion to compare our suffering to others.
I also appreciate their observation that "When people enter the Tragedy Olympics, they don't always realize that it's not actually a game. It's just life, and we are all, for better or worse, players who need each other more than we need an award" (p 88).
I also drew a big circle around the first stanza of their "A Blessing for When You Realize Everyone is Struggling" on p 89 ...
"Blessed are you who have realized that life is hard. And it's hard for everyone. Your awareness came at a cost. You lost something you can't get back. ... Blessed are all of us who struggle, for we are in good company, and we'll never walk alone."
Pastor Allison
I'm curious:
Do you compare your suffering to that of others? Do you know someone who does? Have you tried to have a conversation like this about how unhelpful it is? Did it, by some miracle, actually work?
When was it that you discovered that life is hard and that it's hard for everyone? How did that change your attitude, your outlook on life, and/or how you treat other people?
Ponder this: We all want our troubles to mean something, to have stature and be validated - but we gain nothing by pitting our woes against another's. Pain should unite us, as fellow sufferers, as fellow humans. Regardless of who feels worse, we need each other.
