2 Buoyed by the Absurd

“Is it OK to laugh when sadness surrounds us?” (p 10) 

This is a question I’m guessing we’ve all wondered about at one point or another. I’m sure we could each name a contrasting set of circumstances like they do in the book, like Kate’s mom laughing at her “delicious frozen rocks” in the hospital as her mother was dying (pp 9-10).

The inescapable truth is, “Joy and sorrow simply coexist” (p 10).

Kate and Jessica recall the stories of Jesus’ first miracle of turning plain, old water into the finest Bordeaux at the wedding in Cana while under the thumb of the Romans (John 2:1-11). When he was surrounded by grumbling bellies, Jesus made sure there were leftovers (John 6:1-15, Matthew 14:13-21). And when he was resurrected from the dead, Jesus appeared to the disciples and asked for something to eat (Luke 24:30-32).

Even in difficult circumstances, Jesus was “a man who enjoyed a feast” (p 11). If it's good enough for Jesus, then can't it be good enough for us too? 

When things heated up between Russia and Ukraine and became a part of our daily living through the news and social media, I heard folks asking this same question: how can we rejoice about things in our lives when we can see the suffering of so many?

I love the simple acknowledgment that all kinds of emotions can coexist at the same time. You can be full of joy and full of sorrow. You can grieve and delight. (I’ve seen all of those happen at funerals – you grieve the loss but delight in the memories and the chance to gather with family and friends.) 

Romans 12:15 reminds us to “Rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn.” Sometimes that means doing it at the same time, like when my friend had one daughter announce she was pregnant while the other whisper their second fertility treatment had failed at the same time. 

It’s an occupational hazard for pastors that we run into a lot of sorrow and grief. And sometimes it is the most absurd things that keep me afloat. (If only you could see the frivolous things I watch on YouTube or the podcasts I listen to when my soul is feeling heavy!)

They say in the book, “ … there is a discipline to this kind of joy, especially when we’re not feeling especially cheery” (p 14). 

I wonder what would happen if we could work a bit of joy or absurdity into our regula so that it’s already an ingrained discipline the next time we need it!

Perhaps my favorite part of this chapter is from “A Prayer for Finding Joy in Sorrow” on page 13. I’ve changed it from the singular to the plural: “God, [we] can’t deny it, the way that sorrow catches up with [us] and forces [us] to pay attention. There is so much to grieve, so much to lament in the world, in [our] life, in the lives of those [we] love. You have shown [us] again and again that I can look sorrow in the face, take its hand and talk things over, because it shows [us] what [we] love” (p 13).

I really love that last line, how looking sorrow in the face reveals what we love the most. That re-framing makes sorrow feel a little more bearable, don’t you think?

Pastor Allison

I’m curious: have you asked this question or has someone asked it of you? If so, how did you answer it?

When you find yourself in this kind of situation, what do you do? Do you give in to the sorrow and let it drown out the joy?

What sources of joy or absurdity (like the list on p 11) do you draw on in times like this?  

Let me know in the comments! Or, show us you did your regula by just saying, "I did it!" 

1 Regula

For a long time, I thought a “rule of life” was admirable and definitely something I should aspire to. So I did what pastors do when they want to learn something: I read some books about it!

I found several examples of classic versions of this rhythm with their emphasis (at least, in my perception) on doing the same thing at the same time, day after day. And that usually means following a prescribed set of Bible readings and prayers. 

Good and necessary stuff for a Christ-follower who wants to grow in their faith. We should all do something like this. 

Websites like the Daily Office and apps like YouVersion and the Presbyterian Church’s Daily Prayer app put things like this right at your fingertips, all planned out for you. Even this book, Good Enough, has everything right there for you in one place. And there are a million other daily devotionals available out there!

But I could never stick with one of those things.

I tried the Daily Office but lost interest after a while. I use the Daily Prayer app when I’m leading a group, but it doesn’t do much for me when I do it by myself. I’ll start a devotional book only to find that what I need to be studying and praying about has changed but part of the rule is finishing the book (so I thought), and I would get frustrated and quit.

And then I got really down on myself because I know this is something I should be doing, but I failed every time I tried, just like Kate and Jessica said sometimes happens (pp 4-5).

So it was as though the heavens opened when I read Kate and Jessica’s definition of “regula” – a regular pattern of activities that becomes more valuable over time because its structures creates a space for good things (p 3).  

I mistakenly thought a rule of life meant you needed to do the same thing at the same time every day again and again and again. But that’s not it at all. It’s so much more to it than that! So much more freedom and flexibility. 

They say, “ … a regula doesn’t have to be hard; it only has to be regular” (p 5). 

Here’s my regula now: since I am at my best in the morning, I wake up and do a head to toe body scan, first asking, “How am I feeling physically?” and then “What do I need spiritually?” (Often those two things are tied closely together.) Based on how I answer those questions, I make a plan. Sometimes it’s the same thing for a couple of days; sometimes it’s different every day for a week of days.

What’s important is that it’s becoming a sacred rhythm for me to ask myself those questions and then make time to spend with God in a way that feels right for me, that I look forward to, and that feels natural for me.

If you don’t have a regula, I hope you will work to develop one in the next 40ish days. Here’s a “good enough” way to create one:  

1. Figure out your best time of day: Are you an early bird? A night owl? Do you come alive in the afternoon? 
2. When you’re at your best, read the chapter from Good Enough and try the activities they suggest.
3. Then read my blog reflection.
4. Finally, leave a comment to show you followed your rule of life! (If nothing else, just post, “I did it!” and we’ll all know what you meant!)  

Ta-da! Now, you have a regula to experiment with! It’s nothing fancy, but it is good enough.

"Blessed are we who ask You to be the guide as we begin to build from here and create a stronger, more flexible rule of life." 

Pastor Allison 

Wait, before you go -- I'm curious! Do you already have a regula? Are you mostly able to follow it, or do you sometimes struggle with the discipline of doing it every day? 

What other sacred rhythms are most important to you? 

What difference does it make in your day when you’re able to follow those sacred rhythms as opposed to the days when you don’t? 

Leave a comment!  

A Prelude (Sat, 04.23.22)

In the preface to their book Good Enough, authors Kate Bowler and Jessica Ritchie write: If you check your social media feed, the debate has been settled. Yes, you can be perfect. Other people are living beautiful, joyful, effortless lives. In fact, it’s embarrassing that you haven’t joined their ranks yet already. (p. vii)

Of course, that’s all written with tongues firmly planted in their cheeks.

But they’re right: somehow, a lot of us (like me and you since you’re reading this!) have gotten the idea in our heads that we actually can be perfect. Or at least get pretty darn close.

Try harder. Do better. Other people are already at the finish line (p. viii).

I’m the firstborn of five with most of those associated characteristics: confident, driven, determined, organized. (Did you know that almost all US Presidents are fellow firstborns?) A peacemaker/people-pleaser by nature. A high-achiever by nurture. I often think I should have gone into a profession that involved commissions, because I could work harder and longer than almost anyone I knew.

And then in November 2020, I started having seizures, and everything stopped.

After being stunned wore off, I started recalibrating my life’s rhythms because I was far exceeding my limits. I’m not sure I would have said I was striving for perfection; I think I just wanted to be a faithful servant of God in my vocation as a pastor. But being a “faithful servant” manifested itself in the habit of doing good, noble, helpful things at 100 mph during 12-14 hour days.

And guess what I learned? Poor quality of sleep and high amounts of stress are two of the biggest seizure triggers. I’m not saying that’s what caused my seizures (we haven’t figured that out), but if I kept living at that pace, I was going to do some serious damage to my brain. And my soul.

Long before I read this book, I realized that I needed to learn how to live a life that was “good enough,” and I am grateful for both the vocabulary as well as the permission to just be good enough. You don’t know what a relief this is for me. You can only strive after perfection for so long – live beyond your limits for so long – before your body and your soul begin to fall apart.  

I’ve been recalibrating the rhythms of work and rest for over a year now, but there are still moments when perfection is awfully sneaky and tempting. (You can read about a recent choice between perfection and good enough I wrote about here.)

But most days, I am totally on board with the idea that “We are on the lookout for beauty and meaning and truth in the midst of lives that didn’t turn out like we thought they should. We can have lives where God breaks in and surprises us. We can learn to believe that we are blessed regardless of how our lives appear on social media or at high school reunions. We can begin to feel less alone, more loved, and less judged when good is … enough” (p xii).

It makes my heart happy that you’re along for the ride of learning that being good enough really is good enough.

Blessed are [we] who need a gentle reminder that even now, even today, God is here, and somehow, that is good enough.

Pastor Allison 

A *Good Enough* Triumph!

Even before I begin officially blogging my way through Kate Bowler's Good Enough, I'm already attempting to leave behind my pursuit of perfection in favor of the pursuit of *good enough.* And here's proof: 

Tuesday afternoon, I had worked diligently to set up a prayer center for a Wednesday evening time of silence and solitude. 

(See Exhibit A )  

Everything was perfect: the lights were dimmed; the candles were just right, their light flickering in the water that filled the vases; the guided Scripture reading and daily reflection prayer papers were finished and printed. The atmosphere was exactly what I was hoping for! 

And then ... I looked a little more closely at the daily reflection paper I had created. 

(See Exhibit B)

Yup, that definitely says "Weds, Jan 20, 2022." 😬 

So, I was faced with a choice: do I follow my perfectionistic tendencies and take the time to go back to my computer, wake it up, change the document, and print the copies again because I just can't stand it when I see a mistake and have the ability to fix it ... or do I decide this is *good enough*?  

(Wait. Did I also mention I discovered this mistake about 30 minutes before people were supposed to arrive? And I was a little behind schedule because someone had stopped by for emergency food, and I ended up sharing some other resources with them? And as a result, I was feeling extra stressed and panicked when I discovered my mistake?) 

Would I choose to make my stress worse and rush to fix my mistake or would I choose to say, "You know what? This is *good enough.*" 

I chose to say this is good enough. And because I chose good enough, I was in the right frame of mind to lead an hour of silence and solitude - not rushed, not panicked. Peaceful instead. 

And you know what? If anyone noticed my mistake, they didn't say anything to me about it. 

Have you made a *good enough* kind of decision lately? If so, tell us about it in the comments! 

Pastor Allison 

#itwasgoodenough #iamgoodenough

It's Time to Be Good Enough

 

It's the season of Easter at Second Pres ... and time to set aside the pursuit of perfection in favor of the pursuit of GOOD ENOUGH! 

From the Good Enough website: 

Written gently and with humor, Good Enough is permission for all those who need to hear that there are some things you can fix—and some things you can’t. 

And it’s okay that life isn’t always better. 

In these gorgeously written daily devotionals, co-authors Kate Bowler and Jessica Richie offer fresh imagination for how truth, beauty, and meaning can be discovered amid the chaos of life.

Their words celebrate kindness, honesty, and interdependence in a culture that rewards ruthless individualism and blind optimism. Ultimately, in these pages we can rest in the encouragement to strive for what is possible today—while recognizing that though we are finite, the life in front of us can be beautiful.

 

Here's how it works: 

Each day's devotional includes a prayer or blessing because Kate and Jessica believe in blessing the crap out of people.  

Included with each devotional entry is a quote of some sort and a simple prompt called a Good Enough Step to nudge us toward action. No, not every transformation is possible. But yes, there are some things we can do to inch toward a deeper, richer, truer kind of faith. 

They write: "Let’s begin. But before we do: A blessing for you, dear one, as you embark on this joyfully mediocre journey toward, well, imperfection."

A Blessing for a Joyfully Mediocre Journey 

Blessed are you

who realize there is simply not enough

—time, money, resources.

Blessed are you

who are tired of pretending

that raw effort is the secret to perfection.

It’s not. And you know that now.

Blessed are you

who need a gentle reminder that

even now, even today,

God is here, and somehow,

that is good enough.

And you are welcome to join us in this joyfully mediocre journey toward a good enough life and faith! 

1. Pastor Allison's reflections (starting with chapter 1) will go live on Sun, April 24. 
2. Books will be available through the church office - call (740-353-4159) or email (secondpres@yahoo.com) to reserve your copy now. 
3. Read whenever you want, post whenever you want from wherever you happen to be - no scheduling a group discussion date and time! 
4. You are encouraged to comment on the post, respond to someone else's comment, or add your own thoughts. 
5. A "perfect" goal would be to do this on a daily basis, but since we're aiming for "perfectly imperfect," try to post more often than not!